The Monopoly on Missing Him
I’ve been so focused on myself and my own grieving. I’ve come to believe that no one else can truly be suffering and missing Steve like I can. Like I get to win the prize of Best Griever. Yay me!
While there is some truth to that, Steve was my husband and we truly knew each other inside and out. He was my best friend in the whole wide world. We shared 10 wonderful years together.
But he wasn’t only mine. He didn’t belong to me. He belonged to the world.
He shared his light, love and joy with everyone. He lived many years without me. Came from a loving family, made lifelong friends with his buddies and shared his joy with countless loved ones and strangers alike.
Steve had a way of making you feel like you were the only one in the room. That everything you said mattered, was important and was exciting! He was thrilled for you for every little success.
I’m just realizing bit by bit that the ripples he made in this world were not just in my world but everywhere.
I felt like I had the monopoly on missing him. But I’m not an island. We are all connected and he was and still is connected to us all. Even as you read this and if you’ve never met him, you are still affected by him.
Steve made every person feel important no matter what they were doing. Every server at a restaurant, teller at a bank, receptionist or service person. He learned their name, used it, and became a loyal fan.
So, can we still miss our loved ones and wallow in our grief? Sometimes.
But, we can remember we’re not alone. There are others who miss them too and are suffering too. And if we can focus on the joy, love and lessons, we will be so much happier.
I find great joy in sharing all I know about Steve with my daughters. They are still so young but I can tell them about Daddy’s favourite things, his values and how he appreciated life. This way he will still live on and I don’t have to be as sad.
Sharing with them and our family and friends helps me to feel more joy. In our culture it seems taboo to talk about someone who has died. No one wants to really talk about Steve probably for fear of making me sad. I can’t speak for everyone going through loss but for me I like talking about him and his life and our life together. It’s important, he matters and he will for a long time.
So my wish for you today is to:
- Remember your loved ones with joy
- Talk about them with others who loved them
- Remember that you are never alone
Love Whitney
