• Menu
  • Skip to right header navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Before Header

  • Login

Dr. Whitney Young ND

  • Home
  • About
  • Shop
  • Blog
  • Events
  • Work With Me
  • Home
  • About
  • Shop
  • Blog
  • Events
  • Work With Me

Infertility – You Hate Moms Like I Hate Dads

August 5, 2016 By //  by Whitney Young, ND

Infertility

Ok, hate is a strong word. But that’s how we feel in the moment.

When all you want to do is see a positive pregnancy test and have your own pregnant belly, seeing other women get pregnant so easily infuriates you.

  • Your co-worker keeps talking about her new pregnancy – you hate her
  • Your sister-in-law “accidentally” gets pregnant – you hate her
  • That young woman walks down the street with a big pregnant belly – you hate her

I get it. My anger is different but similar in a lot of ways.

After my husband died suddenly of a heart attack in September 2015 I couldn’t stand to be around dads.

  • The smiling dad in a family photo on Facebook – I hated him
  • The dad pushing his daughter on the swing at the park – I hated him
  • The dad picking his kids up from daycare – I hated him

But did I really hate him? Was his happiness or his existence really about me and my pain? No. I can’t begrudge other dads for simply being dads and being there. It’s just a reminder of what I don’t have, what my girls don’t have and what Steve’s missing.

Is it ok to miss him? Yes. Is it ok for you to be sad for not having your own baby yet? Yes. It’s ok, your feelings are completely normal. But projecting hate onto others can keep us stuck and unhappy.

So here’s what we can do:

  1. Stop

There are 2 ways you can do this Stop Step.

Firstly you can use the thought-stopping technique – literally say stop in your head. To stop the thought from occurring, then skip to the “Reframe” step below.

Second, try stopping the activity. I had to go off of Facebook for awhile because it was upsetting me to see different photos. I hear this a lot from my fertility patients – that all they see on Facebook is that someone else is pregnant or just had their new baby. You can go off of social media completely for awhile or limit your exposure by not going to your News Feed but instead go to Notifications and only look at what you want to look at.

  1. Reframe

Who is it you’re really angry at? What do you really want to happen? Do you want that particular baby? Do I want that guy to be the dad to my kids? No, I don’t. Likely you want your own baby and are angry it’s not happening for you yet.

So just reframing what you’re really mad about and then using a coping strategy to move out of that moment.

  1. Change

Make some sort of action step, change something up.

I was really nervous about having my daughter’s birthday party after Steve died and having the other dads there. One of my friends asked, why didn’t I just have the kids and moms – a no dads birthday party. The thought hadn’t occurred to me.

If there is an event, a situation, that isn’t working for you, can you think of a creative way of changing it?

For example, could you have an honest conversation with your co-worker about how happy you are for her but that it’s too hard for you to talk about her pregnancy all the time?

If this step is hard, try talking to your partner, counsellor, or naturopath about other ways to take action to dial down the hate.

So, do I really hate all those dads?

No, but I acknowledge my feelings then try to move forward. Life is tough but my hatred doesn’t make it any easier. I love the dads in my life and my girls need other men around them.

I hope you can find some sort of peace with what’s happening in your life. If that sounds like a tall order, I get it. But just move step by step, moment to moment. You’ve got this.

Whitney

Filed Under: Fertility

Previous Post: « Desiccated Thyroid: An Update
Next Post: The Breastfed Brain »

Footer

  • Home
  • About
  • Shop
  • Blog
  • Events
  • Work With Me
  • Login

drwhitneyyoung

Mom, Widow, Naturopath, Mommy Mentor helping Moms raise healthy & happy kids without Mommy Guilt. Get the Free SuperMom Survival Guide 👇🏻

I’m listening! You just want to be heard. You w I’m listening!

You just want to be heard. You want to be believed. You want someone to dig deeper. 

I help women put the pieces together with their hormones, fertility, pms, and mood. 

I help you feel better. I’m listening. 

Book a free meet-the-doctor visit to get started.
I'm teaching Baby Food Basics again soon! Do you k I'm teaching Baby Food Basics again soon! Do you know a baby between 3-9 months old? 

They can live anywhere because this is a virtual class! 

Parents can get all their questions answered while I share the latest research on when to introduce solids and how to do it safely and calmly. 

Link in Bio:)

Whitney
I use this supplement a lot for my little patients I use this supplement a lot for my little patients. It's dairy-free so it's perfect for my pediatric patients with health concerns like food-sensitivities, allergies, eczema, constipation, reflux, diarrhea, and more.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Naturopathic doctors help tailor your plan specifically for your child. I take the guess-work out of their concerns for you. I help get to the root cause of what's going on for your child. I also help you keep their treatments natural as possible, because I know that's really important to you. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I'm here for you, so you don't have to figure it out on your own.
What are your biggest barriers when it comes to ea What are your biggest barriers when it comes to eating well? 

🥘 Do you skip meals?

🥗 Do you know when you’re hungry but ignore it?

🥕 Are you too busy to meal-plan?

🍅 Do you feed your kids really well but your diet is lacking the same nutrients?

What are your particular obstacles? 

Name them then let’s come up with strategies that will help you on your path to health. 

Book a free meet the doctor with me and let’s get started.
Acupuncture is an ancient healing art used for a v Acupuncture is an ancient healing art used for a variety of conditions and situations in our modern world. It’s quite common for people to notice benefits like reduction of muscle pain. 

At our clinic I use acupuncture primarily for hormone regulation, infertility, and during pregnancies. 

There are acupuncture points on the body that have traditionally been used to help prepare for labour. In a recent journal review acupuncture was found to be of some benefit in improving cervical maturity.  I already knew this and have had lots of success. 

So, yes, it is a thing. 

PMID 29036756
Happy belated Easter from my family to yours. It s Happy belated Easter from my family to yours. It seems like we’ve gotten used to quiet holidays with no travel. I’m still missing my extended family and my husband but I’m trying to make the most of it. Being preset with this moment.
Searching.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ Searching.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You're constantly searching for answers to questions. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You don't have everything you want. You wanted a baby. You wanted a baby a month, year, or many years ago. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You're asking yourself why it hasn't happened. You're mad at your body. You're searching...⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Stop searching and make a concrete plan. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Book a free fertility session. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I'm here for you.
The sun has been a welcome change. Do you notice y The sun has been a welcome change. Do you notice you feel better when the sun is shining? Are your steps a bit lighter? 

If not, let me help you find your happy again. Book a free meet the doctor and let’s chat. 

I’m here for you. 

Whitney
  • Facebook
  • Instagram

Copyright © 2021 · Privacy Policy · Website by MalindaWatt.com

Login

Lost Your Password?