Rock Bottom for Moms

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As I sit here writing the last chapter of my book about Rock Bottom for Moms, I’m thinking of all the women out there who’ve hit their rock bottom during motherhood like me.

I’m thinking about their mom guilt. Mom’s feel guilty about not being the mom they want to be. That their rock bottom moment or moments are taking away from experiences with their children.

I’m thinking about their struggles and sadness. They’re suffering from loss, grief, or miscarriage and infant loss. Their rock bottom might be mental illness or a physical illness. Their rock bottom could be burnout from this darn pandemic thing.

I’m thinking about their children. Their children who love them no matter what. The children who even though their mother has hit rock bottom, need them.

And I’m thinking about their journeys. Rock bottom for moms happens all the time. But it’s usually behind closed doors. We claim to be “fine” and want to appear to have it all together. We have so much pressure to maintain a house, raise the kids, feed them, keep ourselves together, and maybe have a job too.

I want you to know that Rock Bottom isn’t a destination, it’s just a layover. 

A layover is “a period of rest or waiting before a further stage in a journey.” That’s it. Just rest. You’re taking a layover. You’re still on your journey. This isn’t it. Things will get better. I promise. 

I’m writing my book as a tribute to Steve, my late husband. I’m also writing it for moms out there, my friends, my patients, and those I haven’t met yet. I want them to know there’s a way out of rock bottom.

In my book I share with you my story of hitting rock bottom. It can serve as a guide or inspiration. Or just as a comfort to know you’re not alone.

I’ve walked this path too.

Whitney

P.S. Do you want to be in the know about my book launch? Join my Facebook Group for Moms to stay up to date.

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Coming to You From Boston

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Here I am, in my new life. My newly designed life. Not exactly as planned. But I’m thinking outside the box.

We all make plans, right? Where to go to school, what to do for a living, who we want to spend our time with. 

Then plans change. 

The pandemic has changed the trajectory of my new marriage with a closed border that’s made things very complicated for our family. We’ve been married for 2.5 years but the longest we have ever spent together under 1 roof is 3 months. That’s not what I planned. 

Now, I write to you from Boston. Where we plan to spend the next few months together as a blended family. 2 are off to college. 1 teen, 2 school-age, and an elderly dog at home.

We are together. Finally. For another stretch of time, hopefully the longest. 

This life is the one I’m creating. Yes, many things have been out of my control. But how do you colour outside the lines? Think outside the box? (Why don’t Kendall and Joe just live in L.A. AND Chicago??? (for those Bachelor in Paradise fans out there)).

Think outside the box.

What are you stuck on? What in your life isn’t going the way you planned? What if you asked “what if?”

Join me in my Mom’s Group Online for support – www.facebook.com/groups/guiltlessgrace/ 

Let’s brainstorm together how we can all think outside the box a little bit more.

Whitney

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The Map of Our Lives Keeps Changing

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The rules keep changing. We get our footing and then it’s pulled out from under us again.

Of course you’re upset. Of course you’re unmotivated. Of course you’re more irritable than you “should” be.

This is hard. You’re grieving. You’re lonely. You’re missing connection. You’re missing people. You’re missing physical touch.

And you’re not sure when it’s going to end. When you’ll feel better. When you’ll wake up from this dream (or nightmare).

The thing is, we don’t have control.

This pandemic has taught us so many things. One of the big ones is that the stability, predictability and safety we all lived in was not as it seemed.

You get it now. If you didn’t already.

Life can change in an instant.

A quote on a greeting card that sits on my bookshelf says “we cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.”

We’ve been on a long sail boat voyage we didn’t sign up for.

We didn’t pack appropriately for it. We didn’t get to take a class or two on sailing. We’ve been sailing for over a year now in a direction that we think is the right one. We’ve been constantly adjusting our sails and going with the flow.

We don’t know what the new land will look like when we get there.

We really know our shipmates though. We’ve spent A LOT of time with them!

It’s not always smooth sailing. You know this. I know this.

But on the sunny days, we feel better. We can look around and appreciate our shipmates and our sturdy vessel.

Adjust your sails.

What can make today a better day for you? How can you add joy? What can you ACTUALLY control? Do those things. Don’t wait.

I’m finally going to sign up for one of those Zoom painting classes or something. I’m organizing my storage closet. Some days I don’t feel like doing anything. I honour those days. Then when my motivation comes back, I ride that wave.

You’re not alone. We can do this.

Adjust your sails.

 

Whitney

 

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Ditch the Mom Guilt

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Today I sat at the park and journaled while the kids played. ⁠
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I ditched the “should.” ⁠
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I “should” go over there and play with them or push them on the swing. I “should” be a more involved mom. I “should” be more engaged. ⁠
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But who’s voice was I hearing? ⁠
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Where did this come from?⁠
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Why couldn’t they be kids, while I be a mom sitting at the park? ⁠
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We give ourselves so much mom guilt, it’s ridiculous!⁠
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Just enjoy the freaking park. Go sit on a bench, or grass, or bring your own chair and relax.⁠
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Ok, maybe some of you aren’t there yet. Your kids actually need you to make sure they don’t fall of the equipment and hurt themselves. ⁠
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But where else in your life do you use so many “shoulds?”⁠
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Where else in your life do you pile on the “mom guilt?”

Come hang out with my in my Facebook Group for moms and let’s chat together about it there.

Talk soon,

Whitney

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Isolated Monster Mom

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It’s here, my newest guide for you.

We’ve been living in unprecedented times. I’m so sick of that phrase! But, it’s true.

We’ve been doing the mom thing during a pandemic, and we’ve never had to do that before.

You’ve been feeling crappy and losing your cool a lot more often than before.

I’ve compiled the 3 REAL reasons this is going on.

Click here to get access to this list and the 9 things you can do RIGHT NOW to start feeling saner.

I’m here for you,

Whitney

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I miss hugs

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Human Touch.⁠⁠

I remember when I was newly widowed. That first year I was lucky to have such amazing support from my family and close friends. ⁠⁠I got hugs and cuddles daily from my toddler and newborn. But obviously something was missing. ⁠⁠

I remember going to see my osteopath and getting a treatment. He put his arms around me like a hug in some of the gentle adjustments. I wasn’t attracted to him, don’t misunderstand this, but the human touch filled a void that I didn’t know I was missing so much. ⁠⁠

Now, in this pandemic where we aren’t allowed to hug our closest friends, our family members, the new babies in our outer circles… it’s going against the human need for connection and touch. ⁠⁠

Of course it’s important to do our due diligence and protect the vulnerable people in our lives. Of course we are going to do what the medical professionals and our leaders are suggesting. ⁠⁠I’m just saying, if you are missing human connection and touch, you’re not alone.

Maybe going for that massage or osteopathic treatment is not frivolous. Maybe it’s feeding your soul, your humanness. Maybe it’s releasing wonderful hormones in your body to make you feel a little bit better. ⁠⁠

How can you get touch? Who in your social circle can you hug a little bit more?

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