Coming to You From Boston

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Here I am, in my new life. My newly designed life. Not exactly as planned. But I’m thinking outside the box.

We all make plans, right? Where to go to school, what to do for a living, who we want to spend our time with. 

Then plans change. 

The pandemic has changed the trajectory of my new marriage with a closed border that’s made things very complicated for our family. We’ve been married for 2.5 years but the longest we have ever spent together under 1 roof is 3 months. That’s not what I planned. 

Now, I write to you from Boston. Where we plan to spend the next few months together as a blended family. 2 are off to college. 1 teen, 2 school-age, and an elderly dog at home.

We are together. Finally. For another stretch of time, hopefully the longest. 

This life is the one I’m creating. Yes, many things have been out of my control. But how do you colour outside the lines? Think outside the box? (Why don’t Kendall and Joe just live in L.A. AND Chicago??? (for those Bachelor in Paradise fans out there)).

Think outside the box.

What are you stuck on? What in your life isn’t going the way you planned? What if you asked “what if?”

Join me in my Mom’s Group Online for support – www.facebook.com/groups/guiltlessgrace/ 

Let’s brainstorm together how we can all think outside the box a little bit more.

Whitney

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The Map of Our Lives Keeps Changing

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The rules keep changing. We get our footing and then it’s pulled out from under us again.

Of course you’re upset. Of course you’re unmotivated. Of course you’re more irritable than you “should” be.

This is hard. You’re grieving. You’re lonely. You’re missing connection. You’re missing people. You’re missing physical touch.

And you’re not sure when it’s going to end. When you’ll feel better. When you’ll wake up from this dream (or nightmare).

The thing is, we don’t have control.

This pandemic has taught us so many things. One of the big ones is that the stability, predictability and safety we all lived in was not as it seemed.

You get it now. If you didn’t already.

Life can change in an instant.

A quote on a greeting card that sits on my bookshelf says “we cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.”

We’ve been on a long sail boat voyage we didn’t sign up for.

We didn’t pack appropriately for it. We didn’t get to take a class or two on sailing. We’ve been sailing for over a year now in a direction that we think is the right one. We’ve been constantly adjusting our sails and going with the flow.

We don’t know what the new land will look like when we get there.

We really know our shipmates though. We’ve spent A LOT of time with them!

It’s not always smooth sailing. You know this. I know this.

But on the sunny days, we feel better. We can look around and appreciate our shipmates and our sturdy vessel.

Adjust your sails.

What can make today a better day for you? How can you add joy? What can you ACTUALLY control? Do those things. Don’t wait.

I’m finally going to sign up for one of those Zoom painting classes or something. I’m organizing my storage closet. Some days I don’t feel like doing anything. I honour those days. Then when my motivation comes back, I ride that wave.

You’re not alone. We can do this.

Adjust your sails.

 

Whitney

 

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When will I see him again?

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Please don’t ask me when I’ll see Tim again. It hurts my heart.

This is definitely not how I imagined my marriage going. Being a widowed person, remarried, I had high hopes of living with my new husband. Finally getting to do the day-to-day things I had been missing after Steve died.

I was tired of being a solo parent. I was tired of making all the decisions. I was tired of taking care of the house. Being the only one to take the garbage out. The only one to empty the dishwasher.

Marrying Tim gave me hope of things to come.

We knew we wouldn’t be able to live together right away because he lives in the US and I live in Canada. We were working out immigration plans to be together.

But this big thing called the global pandemic got in the way.

My hopes were delayed again.

I feel like I’ve been living in this limbo for 5.5 years since Steve died. The map of the life I imagined got ripped apart.

I know you get this to some degree. The pandemic has changed the map of your life too. The plans you made, the things you were going to do, the people you were going to visit. It’s changed everything.

For me, I don’t know when I will see my husband again. We’ve been fortunate to have seen each other a handful of times over the last year. But it pales in comparison to the plans we had and how often we saw each other before March 2020.

Thank you for caring and wanting to know when we’ll see each other again. Thank you for being concerned. Thank you for feeling compassion for our difficult and unusual situation. I appreciate that.

For now, we are living a long-distance marriage across a closed border with quarantine restrictions, Covid tests, and uncertainty.

For now, we connect through FaceTime, Zoom, and phone dates.

For now, we will both try to live in the moment, enjoy the time with our kids, and not let this moment pass us by. Because one day we will live together and have moments of being sick of each other. But I can’t imagine those days right now.

Whitney

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We’re surviving

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Hey there,

I know it’s been awhile since you’ve heard from me.

I’ve been surviving this pandemic thing and staying at home. I’ve been trying to figure out how to support my kids with at-home-learning, while I also try to keep the house clean, and keep going with my business.

The biggest lesson I’m still learning is I don’t have control over everything. If I let go, I’m happier.

Let go of worrying about when the pandemic will end. Let go of trying to control my kids to be “perfect students” at home. Let go of when the government will make decisions.

It’s not always easy, but it’s helpful when I can.

If you are struggling as a mom and are wondering why, download my Isolated Monster Mom – The 3 REAL Reasons You’re Losing Your Cool. It’s got some valuable tricks that you can start using right away.

In the meantime, I’m here for you.

Whitney

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