The Map of Our Lives Keeps Changing

By //  by 

The rules keep changing. We get our footing and then it’s pulled out from under us again.

Of course you’re upset. Of course you’re unmotivated. Of course you’re more irritable than you “should” be.

This is hard. You’re grieving. You’re lonely. You’re missing connection. You’re missing people. You’re missing physical touch.

And you’re not sure when it’s going to end. When you’ll feel better. When you’ll wake up from this dream (or nightmare).

The thing is, we don’t have control.

This pandemic has taught us so many things. One of the big ones is that the stability, predictability and safety we all lived in was not as it seemed.

You get it now. If you didn’t already.

Life can change in an instant.

A quote on a greeting card that sits on my bookshelf says “we cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.”

We’ve been on a long sail boat voyage we didn’t sign up for.

We didn’t pack appropriately for it. We didn’t get to take a class or two on sailing. We’ve been sailing for over a year now in a direction that we think is the right one. We’ve been constantly adjusting our sails and going with the flow.

We don’t know what the new land will look like when we get there.

We really know our shipmates though. We’ve spent A LOT of time with them!

It’s not always smooth sailing. You know this. I know this.

But on the sunny days, we feel better. We can look around and appreciate our shipmates and our sturdy vessel.

Adjust your sails.

What can make today a better day for you? How can you add joy? What can you ACTUALLY control? Do those things. Don’t wait.

I’m finally going to sign up for one of those Zoom painting classes or something. I’m organizing my storage closet. Some days I don’t feel like doing anything. I honour those days. Then when my motivation comes back, I ride that wave.

You’re not alone. We can do this.

Adjust your sails.

 

Whitney

 

The Map of Our Lives Keeps ChangingRead More

When will I see him again?

By //  by 

Please don’t ask me when I’ll see Tim again. It hurts my heart.

This is definitely not how I imagined my marriage going. Being a widowed person, remarried, I had high hopes of living with my new husband. Finally getting to do the day-to-day things I had been missing after Steve died.

I was tired of being a solo parent. I was tired of making all the decisions. I was tired of taking care of the house. Being the only one to take the garbage out. The only one to empty the dishwasher.

Marrying Tim gave me hope of things to come.

We knew we wouldn’t be able to live together right away because he lives in the US and I live in Canada. We were working out immigration plans to be together.

But this big thing called the global pandemic got in the way.

My hopes were delayed again.

I feel like I’ve been living in this limbo for 5.5 years since Steve died. The map of the life I imagined got ripped apart.

I know you get this to some degree. The pandemic has changed the map of your life too. The plans you made, the things you were going to do, the people you were going to visit. It’s changed everything.

For me, I don’t know when I will see my husband again. We’ve been fortunate to have seen each other a handful of times over the last year. But it pales in comparison to the plans we had and how often we saw each other before March 2020.

Thank you for caring and wanting to know when we’ll see each other again. Thank you for being concerned. Thank you for feeling compassion for our difficult and unusual situation. I appreciate that.

For now, we are living a long-distance marriage across a closed border with quarantine restrictions, Covid tests, and uncertainty.

For now, we connect through FaceTime, Zoom, and phone dates.

For now, we will both try to live in the moment, enjoy the time with our kids, and not let this moment pass us by. Because one day we will live together and have moments of being sick of each other. But I can’t imagine those days right now.

Whitney

When will I see him again?Read More

We’re surviving

By //  by 

Hey there,

I know it’s been awhile since you’ve heard from me.

I’ve been surviving this pandemic thing and staying at home. I’ve been trying to figure out how to support my kids with at-home-learning, while I also try to keep the house clean, and keep going with my business.

The biggest lesson I’m still learning is I don’t have control over everything. If I let go, I’m happier.

Let go of worrying about when the pandemic will end. Let go of trying to control my kids to be “perfect students” at home. Let go of when the government will make decisions.

It’s not always easy, but it’s helpful when I can.

If you are struggling as a mom and are wondering why, download my Isolated Monster Mom – The 3 REAL Reasons You’re Losing Your Cool. It’s got some valuable tricks that you can start using right away.

In the meantime, I’m here for you.

Whitney

We’re survivingRead More

You’re not broken, just grieving

By //  by 

I felt like if I could just find someone to date, to fill the void, to be a father for my daughters, it would make me feel better. Then I would be fixed and everything would be ok. ⁠
⁠
But the grieving doesn’t go away. ⁠
⁠
Let me tell you, it’s amazing to have a supportive 2nd husband who loves my kids and me. But at the end of the day, my girls are still missing Steve, their 1st dad. And I’m missing him too. They have 2 dads now. ⁠
⁠
The missing will never go away. I will never be “fixed.”⁠
⁠
I will have a heart with a bit of a scar on it from where it was broken. It won’t go back to how it was before. ⁠
⁠
But that also is good. Because I don’t want to forget Steve or stop loving him. ⁠
⁠
For those of you on your new widowed journey, you may be thinking about dating again. We’re all on our own timetables and journeys. ⁠
⁠
I just want you to know, it won’t fix you. You aren’t broken, just grieving. ⁠
⁠
Hugs,⁠
⁠
Whitney⁠

You’re not broken, just grievingRead More